The Time in life, My life in times... / Monday, September 29, 2008
32 more days and it'll be the day i hate the most, when i was delievered into this world,
where i brought my parents the hardest times of thier lives. To grow me, to feed me and to educate me. I know deeply inside, i have caused them much grief, much despair and definately much pain.
There are times i hate myself, for the person i am or have became and of course the things i have done, then again i just cant understand what i have had done.
I try my best to change myself, and end up trying to kill myself, which IS my first intent. Who cares really? well i don't either... Would i leave memories of hate from others or will people resent the emptiness i left behind when i'm gone?
If i had something i'd wish to say, listen to the song 'Leave out all the Rest' By Linkin Park
'After my dreaming, i woke with this fear...
what am i doing.. when i'm done here?
So if you're asking me... i want you to know,
When my time comes, forget the wrong that i've done.
Help me leave behind some, Reasons to be missed.
And dont resent me, when you're feeling empty..
keep me in your memory, leave out the rest...
....'
The song goes on... and my words hangs on..
Tho my heads stay, my mind drifts...
I know myself, or do i really?
/this is the me in I.
6:17 PM
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The Lone, The Lost... / Monday, September 22, 2008
I dreamed last night...
not a scary 1, neither would it be a happy 1...
somewhere in between, somehow it said something important, or did it not?
Heres how it went..
I was traveling in a car.. (hopefully my own) picking off people i have no idea of.. (cant be cab cos there wasnt a meter)
Went together with that person, whom was a her.. for lunch..
continued around that area shopping... thought i saw something interesting and went to have a closer look... (this point, i couldnt remember what it iwas) but it was tagged to be $1k+++
i left that item alone, and walked off... not being able to find my friend
i kinda just walked off...
Went to the car, started it up drove out and i was met with an accident.
I was hit directly by the side of my door...
Wasnt able to know what went wrong after that... since i woke up...
Too many unanswered questions here...
/this is the me in I.
11:17 PM
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Alive.. but not kicking... / Monday, September 15, 2008
Another full moon, with nothing to worry about.. feels so good...but
But i've been so weary... so tired and just cant do anything..
Things has been going too fast for me, i feel myself aching, head spinning and eyes constantly having the hot sensation....
Its been 6mths since i last took my blood pressure medicine... proves that i dont need it at all... HAH! goodbye doc!....
SteVvY, life hasnt been so great lately eh?
Not only that, it somehow feels so easily going downhill...
You wish to speak to someone about it, but you doubt anyone would listen....
You even wish it goes worst.. and here now You go speaking to something that cant reply..
You've done everything you can,
leave the rest to God... whether he has planned something for you or plainly just playing you.
You just hate it dont you? Well... Dont bother.. heed the advice from Jingle, its time to move on...
You know it already, theres no point into dragging it with you.
Kill yourself with a method that hurts less, dont treat yourself to something that kills you slowly... its like treating yourself to cancer...
<><>Then again, would i be able to do it?
Time and time again, i say that to myself.. Let it go... just let it go...
It just happens again and again, i can only say it.. even all my bros and sis says so..
/this is the me in I.
7:25 PM
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whAt a FriDay... / Friday, September 05, 2008
today's module? MATH!
Teammate.. omg.. today damn power... already left a bad impression for the faci liao.. then out of good will or rather curiosity, asked Val how her wednesday piano lessons or exam was(she couldnt speak clearly at all!) she only replied "its none of your business" wah.. what did i even do sia?
Then after lunchtime, she Demanded from me a part of the presentation for her to present! saying "I just want to state this clear, give me a slide, anything so i can prepare and present later, for my grade"
I... was utterly shocked, like what did i do? i'm lost partly in the class as well, dunno what to conclude or what the problem statement was.. and already have more than enough things going in my head. Bad daY? maybe.. she's in my ignore list liao...
Well, having a super tired week, maybe tomorrow to sleep the whole day.. or ask dad to let me drive the car for fun haha..
Mom, I've been silently praying you'll speak to me once again, or show me the way..
But no matter how hard, You've not been replying. Have I yet again let you down? Or are my words just not enough for you?
Sis and I have been struggling with ourselves to look after the house and Sheryl, don't worry.. =)
Your favourite grand daughter is still the same cheeky little girl..
And we all really miss you so much, from the bottom of our hearts, we still love you
/this is the me in I.
10:35 PM
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LeTharGiC! / Thursday, September 04, 2008
wow, super lethargic start of the school week...
1st day and 2nd day sleeping and dozing off in class liao...
Kana aim in class to do many things again.. haiz.. better keep low again if not... hard 16weeks to pass by...
Well new mates are kewl, its only time that will allow us to bond more.
Somemore today's Science faci is a korean, haha not bad..
both day's facis are kinda good..
Well, i'd better sleep early, drink more water and so on...
Angel scold liao haha...
/this is the me in I.
10:50 PM
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AFteR the CoMex... / Tuesday, September 02, 2008
wah.. really aching and pain everywhere..
sibeh shiong...
well glad that its already over.. past and gone...
just like my holidays...
which i so planned to sleep every day... sigh..
well super happy to see my angel at the comex,
she even got me my Starbuck's Mocha Frap + 1 pump hazelnut..
come to think of it, kinda like 3-4 weeks didnt speak or see her before that..
oh well... time to rest.. i think...
please give me my well earned rest.. where i can sleep the whole day
the whole whole day... and relax the whole whole night
nothing to think of, nothing to bother from.. and nothing to worry about.
/this is the me in I.
2:33 AM
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