Wandering and Wondering again... / Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Here i am back to where i started...
Why am i here? what am i doing here?
Is this really what i should be doing?
School's tiring me out, draining me so fast...
my every ounce of energy, my mind and my soul...
I feel like i'm left so far back behind.. and i cant move up...
sleeping a lot later now around 3-4am just to wake up at 7.30 to prep for the day...
and i reach home later in the day at about 5 just to drop asleep to 10.
Whats wrong with me?
Mom, its been so long..
I missed you even more..
Everything seems to go so wrong..
I'm already going so sore..
All's fine at home, i guess.. nothing seems amiss..
The only thing i know is we were never the same as before...
A stranger it seems i am, to a home i lived so long...
A new end to an old beginning it seems...
/this is the me in I.
2:26 AM
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/ Saturday, November 22, 2008
Nothings been going right again, but no biggy...
not as if i can set myself back on track to walk over it...
but then... it just feels so heavy....
Angel says to read up
1 Corinthians 10:13
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
It is true.. i have had no temptations so far.. or rather i didnt want to tempt on anything...
So i'm waiting for his way out? or am i already tempted into something so far so deep and have not realised?
/this is the me in I.
1:08 PM
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Feverish Weekend... / Tuesday, November 18, 2008
wow, a battle with the body...
having fever for the whole weekend
Yes 38Degrees from friday till today!
i finally went to see the doctor.. and doc says?
Throat infection.. quite a bad 1...
thats what causing the fever...
well thats all for the rest i get... cant skip any much more classes
thursday got UT again... back to killing my braincells...
/this is the me in I.
8:47 PM
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What a Trashing week... / Sunday, November 16, 2008
well.. 2nd week of November has come to an end...
this whole week, i've only got 2hrs of sleep before heading to school...
and finally i now fall ill...
spent my ill fated saturday shopping and finally bought what somewhat seems to be a Oakley copy... well its expensive, but who cares... i need a pair, and i've got a pair... nth much to say about that...
went on to watch soccer at xh's place...
wonderful play by liverpool... but as the commentators say... "Its a match of the misses"
too many ultimate misses for goals in this game... haha...
dun wanna say so much liao... finally sick le.. can go Zzz more for a reason..
hope monday can go school if not teammates jialat...
/this is the me in I.
2:16 AM
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Moving on... / Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I should start to realise that everything made to be, was made to be so.
I can't change it.. no matter what...
I shouldn't hang on too tightly to dreams and wishes that will never come true..
Then again... I dont feel like doing anything else but to cling onto something... someone even...
All i can rely is myself... I'll never have the guts to say my problems to everyone else...
Why? I dont know.. i just dont...
Setting that aside... since its of no big deal....
Why am i so low on about life you might ask...
Why am i such a pessimist about myself again you'll ask...
The only replies I have are What is there to be happy of, that i should be content with?
Also.. whats there to look at for a bright side if one's to be kept ready at all times? shouldnt we look out for the worst and be prepared about it?
I dont seem to understand what i'm doing already...
Why did i choose to study?
Why did i choose to forgo my work?
Why am i never able to put my heart away from her?
Why am i still alive when i yearn not to?
most of all, Why am i here.. What is my purpose..? Where is my next location?
Mom.. It already been more than 2 years since i last saw you smile...
it feels more like a hundred years..
I can only tear everytime i think of you...
I cant be assured that everything at home is going right...
Dad has another company setup with his girl-friend...
Sis has finalized her seperation and divorce.. NOW has a new boyfriend...
And i'm not even sure if i'm Sheryl's jui jui anymore...
I feel like i'm living with strangers...
theres no more homey feeling here...
yet i cant leave this place for another... sigh..
If only i could turn back time, take your pain away.. and be with you more...
Now i rather live alone... in solitude... and in peace of mind....
where i hope i can rest a foreverness and feel no more....
/this is the me in I.
12:54 AM
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Zoom Zoom Zoom... / Saturday, November 08, 2008
Well... its another end of the week and we're just 7 weeks to end of 2008....
Tomorrow is mom's 3rd year in the lunar calendar...
I'm feeling so pathetic... unable to do anything
feeling tired everytime i wake up... just feel like wanting to sleep more...
Once again i seek for the strength, this time not for an answer for what to do next,
but to allow me to walk further on.. has this been the right chioce?
Am i doing the right things? I feel wrong and jolted... why?
/this is the me in I.
1:21 AM
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An End is always a Beginning...? / Sunday, November 02, 2008
Well its the end of this small break...
didnt make much money but i did have more than enough sleep and rest.
Class starting, new teams and new problems to research... sianzzzz
Been waking up so late this whole week, wonder if i can wake up tomorrow... haha...
Well, met up the gang and headed for Breakfast + lunch + tea + almost dinner that Alfred
treated us.. all dim sum...haha...
Wonder what been up with Angel lately... she seems down and then happy... and then down again...
Hope everything is going well for her... and she mentioned she's leaving her current job soon..
Is she happy to do that or is she sad for doing it? She wont say.. i wont know..
Well i cant do much, for i myself need to make sure i'm going and made the right chioce.
I remembered He spoke to me in a way that i shouldnt regret the path right now to further my studies... however i'm feeling the strain on my wallet...
If only i could strike it rich somehow...
or ask sugar mummy treat me more dinners? haha...
Wait long long la stevvy... her appointments are thicker than your fists alone...
wander off somewhere else ba...
/this is the me in I.
10:52 PM
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