Awful start of the cow year... / Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sheesh... really thought i could have some good time during this School holidays... turns out?
the 1st week of the holiday with CNY is already looking crappy.
Firstly, i've got an eye infection... or what they call it, "Si bak jiam" stupid pimple looking think growing under the eyelid... and thats not all!
Right after reunion Dinner? Dad goes Malaysia with his GF... nice...
Sis, goes out return at around 11 or so...
Then comes day 1 of the CNY... what was i spending the whole day doing? Nothin!
Sat right infront of the com... reading, playing, listening to music... all day long... and oh yea... replying to my 2-Nu-er Minz~
what more can i complain? i'm already pissed...
Whats more? I managed to make My Angel slightly angry with something i said. Hey, i didnt mean to say that, You weren't listening to me... or maybe we both misunderstood.
Mommy, so far this has to be the worst Lunar New Year celebration without you around....
Doesnt even feel like a reunion... Thank goodness that i had my classmates and nu-ers to do a small reunion...
Well, really look forward into healing the stupid thing on my eye so i can plan what to do next.. so far... looking at things is now irritating to talk about argh...
/this is the me in I.
2:51 AM
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Pain... i still feel it.... / Thursday, January 15, 2009
It seems that my body is taking the damage further...
Fell victim to flu twice in a row...
Getting breathless easier....
Chest pains are more prominant even when lying down...
Eyes feels like popping out... and kinda have some sort of swell...
Everytime i blink it hurts, everytime i shut my eyes it throbs...
But what can i complain? I love the pain...
At least, its close by... however it lets me know i'm alive...
There seems to be lesser talk at home....
Dad reaches home, slams his room door, and stays in...
Sis just wants to get out of his sight and be with her BF as much as possible...
Seems like this year's CNY reunion dinner will look very dull and dim....
Where what used to be a long term steam boat may look to become a 1 day thing...
Where the table was full of life, may turn out lifeless...
If time were to heal all wounds, it certainly will not take scars away...
So I'm willing to give up my life for happiness..
But who's gonna sell trade something like that?
I seek no answers, and ask not for the riches..
"Perhaps time is a type of cure
But it can also be poison that I am taking right now
If I can't see your smile,
How can I get to sleep?
Your voice is so near yet I can't hold you
The sun will still spin without the earth
I can still walk by myself without a reason"
Jay Chow - Rainbow
Mom, how are you?
I believe you've heard..
Your son aint taking it well...still
I've seen better days... and resent that i've not kept them well....
I want to wake up from this nightmare....
But how am i sure that it'll be fine after i wake up?
I'm feeling empty...
I'm still here though theres not a reason...
Waiting in line...
/this is the me in I.
11:43 PM
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Now, later, then... / Thursday, January 08, 2009
I Should really learn how to put things down and leave them behind...
Every night lying on my bed, all my mixed emotions flashes across my mind...
I stay there motionless, wondering why i always keep all these into my head...
Well i dont know.. But i want to be strong, i need to be...
the tides are changing... changing against me..
and soon i'll drown... by all my false hopes and lost dreams...
I like the quietness now at home... noone's fighting, speaking or even there...
my presence is not even noticed... how nice
Like the song goes
"May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know"
Then again wats the point of returning to a place
where the air's so dead..?
I'm lost... thankfully not alone...
I pray, for the strength to walk on...
to proceed deeper into the darkness,
in search for a light.. for me to see...
And i thank the wonderful times i've had till now
only wanting it to continue longer.. best even, forever...
/this is the me in I.
12:40 AM
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Day 1 of 2009.... / Thursday, January 01, 2009
2008 seemed to went pass like a passing shower....
most people seemed to have a bumpy year...
wonder if 2009 would turn out better...
Feeling so very tired again....
Aches in my chest... unable to breathe properly
most of the time making sighing sounds, but atucally am trying to exhale.
Mom, again, its another year passed...
Things has been shaky but we seemed to have gotten through...
Home? has never stop shaking 1 bit...
Feels sickening to come home and face dad or sis....
then again...
I wanna go home...
I love you Mom, i Miss you much...
I'm feeling so lost, looking for a hope
I've lost my sight... my touch..
When will i grow? so i can cope?
/this is the me in I.
3:48 PM
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