Then it all falls down... / Friday, February 06, 2009
Looks like i'm ending the week with this old shit...
yea...
Happy day, ends with a gloomy night...
nothing different... nothing new..
still the friggin home i'm living in now....
Mom, your daughter...
she's changed...Something happened to her....
her temper is getting worst...
from screaming at Sheryl at the lobby of our home,
in the lift...
in the middle of the night...
at the rise of the sun...
it happens everywhere...
and all i could do if break a tear every night hearing that this happens
to a little girl... who just wants to have fun...
Mom, you know.. i cannot recall any moment in life i've made you happy..
or proud.. Never...
All the dissapointment i caused you, and all the blank promises..
i'm starting to feel it all coming back...
And every night with remorse i lie down on my bed.. thinking about the past
What i've done and i shouldnt have done.
To correct them is already too late... to change them is already pointless..
I miss you lots mom, i really do..
You were always there for us, and i was never there for you.
/this is the me in I.
2:20 AM
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So far.... so good? / Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Well, the infection is gone... my eyes dont feel sore anymore...
I still have chest pains and breathing difficulty once in a while, well at least the headaches are gone for now.
I'm glad that i have friends with me this year for lunar new year...
Because feeling of home is withering even more...
Now i finally feel how mom felt when everything was astray..
Shattered as i am, i thank the Lord... for giving such nice friends..
For letting me live well and not knowing it...
Yet daily i look forward to the end...
I should be content... but i dont feel it that way... why?
maybe because i've clung onto somethings too long....
I really wanna let go... but i dont know how..
or is it true that its better to just run away from things?
Lets see how this year goes...
/this is the me in I.
1:13 AM
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