Start of the new tumbling events... / Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Again it has started...
After the Part timer training Jingle treated everyone else that were around to dinner...
Had my fill after 1 bowl of soup, 1 slice of meat and a 1/2 bowl of rice... as usual noone else believes me...
So i had to continue with the eating... keeping silent to myself.. feeling a little different as i continue to much my way through....
What seemed to be a long happy weekend has ended.. I felt the dark crawling from my gut...
everything's about to change...
Till what seems the last dish, we quickly headed home...
As usual... Jingle told us to take cabs home and claim from her the next day...
I was the last to go, knowing i take the cab alone anyway....
A total of 6 cabs i missed... standing there in the drizzle.. till 9.30....
Cab Number 1, Across the street.. crossed it.. says cannot pick to Sbw...
Cab Number 2, Across the street where i was originally standing, Lost to some uncle who was rushing out from the travel bus...
Cab Number 3, Again says cannot pick to Sbw...
Cab Number 4, Stopped infront of me and became 'On Call'
Cab Number 5, Across the road AGAIN, then taken by another couple WHO saw me waved for it 1st...
Even before Cab number 6 came, some stupid Van driver Horned me to get out of the way so he could park at a Taxi stand? Then he got off and stood extremely close to me, as if it was his parking lot... I mumbled, what the fuck and moved away...
Cab Number 6, This.. This has to be the best.. Stopped across the street.. I walked over and he moved of?
Awesome... and then it poured... so i rushed towards the station and took the train home...
It didnt Just end there! Hell... At city hall, I WAS ALREADY the last walking in, giving way to everyone else, but some Auntie had to rush in all of a sudden (the door i took WAS VERY far away from the stairs/elevator/escalator) impossible for her to rush down for the train..
She shoved me right into the train, where there already is NO SPACE. I'm quite a giant for god's sake.. Ask and i'll move... Shove and you will get hurt... Yeap thats right.. She mumbled and grumbled that i didnt give way..
Rain didnt end after reaching home... so i had to walk through it home...
I realise its a full moon today.. Are you the friggin cause of my events today? i cant bet on it... The full moon period is 3 days....approx..
I've not found my meaning in life... my reason at all...
I Stand still... taking everything by myself.. bitter or not.. i know this is God's Challange
To make me stronger, but every trial makes me weaker... both heart and mind..
To my Darling that we've been together since the 5th.. I've never had a 2nd though about it...
I urge forward...
I push on... hoping i can and will be different..
I fear the same thing would happen... I wont like it at all.. not 1 bit... The cause of hate due to my mistakes... When i dunno what i've done...
There were things that i have aggravated, I shouldnt have...
Forgive me..
Mom, have you not heard me calling you?
I've been crying out hard... i've
Not felt you for so long...
Not heard you for so long..
Not seen you for so long..
And even though i'm alive.. i feel dead
Lifeless yet alive.. a Zombie i've become..
My heart beats slower each day... stops even...
And then i go blank... Weaker i've become...
Pain doesnt hurt... my mind doesnt work...
Dad's become more selfless for his "Workplace".. i wonder why...
Never will i depend on him EVER!
Sis goes weaker day by day as well.. Seems like your Grand daughter is sapping her dry...
Always making her angry... getting sick so easily...Sigh...
I've done enough.. i've taken my beating...
I've bled.. laying there waiting for death to take over...
But it refuses to take my last breath....
I'm going to shut off, shut myself off...
I yearn for your touch once more...
I miss you Mom... and i love you..
/this is the me in I.
12:29 AM
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