SteVvY? < its not real...
26 years in life
Not someone important
Lost since 8th Sept 2006
Searching A dream that was never there

Actually, am just another student in RP haha
Looking out for the easiest way to end it all..
To escape from life...

• My Oaks Suns!
  
• A watch!
• Leather Lappy Bag...
• Cologne <<< Thx Darling!
• Wallet <<< Thx Angel!
• Desktop Com
• Honda Civic

April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
January 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010

\\The Dark Night, The Lonely Moon.//
  // I fear the tomorrow & the today\\

An amazingly rushed day...
Rushed for school from waking up late...
Rushed for today's problem statement as there
was a module briefing to attend...
After school its SLA for school...
All this rushing made wanna stand still
and think.. is this all worth it?

Time is gonna be tough on me soon...
I'm feeling weaker.. haven't had a good meal
for quite a while... haven't had a good sleep...
for quite a while...
My diet is prolly killing me.. as i've felt today...
But i really don't care...

Its almost a month, since we parted our ways...
The things back then and now totally seemed different
Its getting harder to tell myself not to miss you...
And every minute you struggle with work.. makes me feel again helpless...
I was unable to help you... I am still unable to help you...
I was never able to remove your problems...
I don't even dare chat with you like we used to...
Even before we were together...
afraid he'll check on you...
Afraid to sms or call you... cause i know i'd be a bother to you...
Unlike him calling or smsing you, on our days together...
I'd let you answer him.. cause i know... i wasn't enough...
Darling.. i've missed you so much...
Every night i'll look at the bottle of Cologne you got me...
and I sit at the corner of my bed... holding back the memories...

Your work has been a heavy load lately...
Please take care of yourself..
I will not be a bother to you anymore..
I will shut myself away from you..
and I pray he'll treat you better and so does his family...

I still and will miss you...
Waiting for your love to return...
Although i know we're through...
I'm back to where we first begun..

I seek your face even more as the day goes by...
I've given and done my everything...
However now, each night... i can only to myself.. lie...

/this is the me in I.
12:26 AM

>>><<<

1st day of the 2nd week, and everything's a rush....
1st Lab for the sem.. and I'm finding it hard to cope...
Couldnt get things going on corrrectly....
Mind's on something else...

This week's the SLA week....
Gonna be buzy and puffed out... sigh...

Reached home late today...
and Sheryl's sick again.. not eating again...
Sis flared up again....
What can i do? I don't know..
i really don't know how much i want to take...

Was thinking of her in class...
And she gave me lyrics to a song...
Meaningful song... but are those really the words you wanna say to me?
Cause it felt more like the words i'd say...to you..now

I look at the bottle of cologne you gave me...
I asked you once why you'd wanna give me 1...
You said "Thats the way i want my Man to smell like..."
Now, I don't dare to use it...
So i kept it away, back into the box...
Like the wallet you asked before why i'm not using...
It isn't truely mine..

The bad dreams will never happen....
I know, cause i'd pray them away...
I want you back, but i cant...
Sigh...If only I was 6 feet down...
Then i'll have everything else...

/this is the me in I.
11:47 PM

>>><<<

I'm feeling shallow...
more lost than before...
hate the thoughts that are coming to mind...

Cause i know they aint real...
My mind and my heart
they aint thinking straight...
What should i do?
Which should i follow?

I'm missing her so much...
I'm paranoid everytime she's online...
But i have to keep calm...
and wait patiently...
even if it kills me...

I'd pray that she gets better...
that she is treated with the care i couldnt give her...
That she'd be loved more than how i loved her...
and not be nagged upon.
I'd pray that everything goes well for her,
for my sis.. and Sheryl...
Please Lord, show them your love, and heal them..

Thoughts of you and me...
Racing through every second..
Your face is what i wanna see...
And i'll wait till my end...

/this is the me in I.
2:30 AM

>>><<<

Well...
supposed to go for a friend's wedding dinner...
however the explosion from my eye stopped me...
not as bad as yester's
but still kinda irritating...
wont want to go around having ppl see why my eye is red uh?

Likewise...
My monitor is dying...
Its flickering non stop...sigh
if it goes.. i'm gone too... really..

Unproductive day..
did nothing but clean my eye...

My mind's tired.. i'm crashing...
Wanna shut down and just live off quietly..
But i cant... why?

My heart's still beating for her..
My mind's still picturing her...
its hard to sleep at night without thinking of her..
sigh...

/this is the me in I.
2:55 AM

>>><<<

The irritating bump or growth or infection
in fact, 2! under my right eye's eyelid gave way...
1 of them burst today...
The blood.. the pus...
Covered my eye for a while and i couldnt see clearly...
Now my eye lids are swelling, my pupil is slightly red..

Twice in this year already my eye was infected..
man... have i become weaker?

Broke now.. Dont dare go see doctor...
Knee seems to be recovering...
Back only seems to be numb in the morning
or prolonged sitting...
Whats left is my eye...

How much more can i endure?
My reserves are over burnt...
My mind and body cant take much longer..
Losing my pillar and my support...
The thin fine line is what's left...
will it break or will i let go eventually?
I'm already quite dead and halfway through the ground...
Why don't it happen to me and finish me off?

Is there something i've left undone?
Or am i here just to recieve punishments?
Well... hit me with everything you've got...
I prolly wont feel anything much...

Theres no reason for me to walk now...
I don't see the light and the path anywhere...
Waiting for the time to pass by...
Where i can feel her in my arms again..

深夜里 无法习惯没有你
不愿你 再走下去

这距离 痛得我不能呼吸
难忘记 你的失去

多少眼泪 都无所谓
我闭上眼睛 不能入睡
只希望你 给我一些安慰

这些眼泪 我无所谓
真心的对待 最珍贵
我回头想起 爱情的甜美
永远不后悔

深夜里 无法习惯没有你
不愿你 再走下去

这距离 痛得我不能呼吸
难忘记 你的失去

多少眼泪 都无所谓
我闭上眼睛 不能入睡
只希望你 给我一些安慰

这些眼泪 我无所谓
真心的对待 最珍贵

我回头想起 爱情的甜美
永远不后悔

牵领我进入睡梦 追随
重温过去 我们两梦中相依偎
虽是梦幻 愿沉醉

多少眼泪 都无所谓
我闭上眼睛 不能入睡
只希望你给我一些安慰

这些眼泪 我无所谓
真心的对待 最珍贵
我回头想起 爱情的甜美
永远不后悔

/this is the me in I.
1:49 AM

>>><<<

I've prolly seen you for the last time...
I could not utter a word in the proper voice..
My voice was broken.. as i teared my eyes red down the highway...
And you noticed, you asked.. but i could not answer..

Beautiful you were... in pain you seemed with the migrane...
Didnt want to take too much of your time..
So i took off.....
I couldnt bear to see you in my state either...

As you handed me my things.. my heart shattered...
I know we still have it going on...
But i'm hindering you.. I'm sorry..

I am all but helpless now...
Thank you Ryan for hearing me out...
Your words are golden, but my mind is still on her...

If you're reading this darl..
bear in mind.. I still do love you...
Time cant erase what we've had tho its so short
Every bit of our sweet moments linger within me...
Noone has treated me like you have...
Now that i've lost you.. i've nothing to lean on...

My heart is beating, but faint...
I'm still breathing, but weak...

I seek nothing but your face...
You brought me smiles...
Nothing else will beat your grace...
But now we've crossed the miles....

/this is the me in I.
1:01 AM

>>><<<

7am.. And i recieve a private call...
Well who do i know has private nums? and would call me this early?
Didnt bothered guessing, so i answered...
Turns out to be whom i wished to hear her voice...

But why would she call of a sudden?
Was there something needed from me?
Was there news to tell me?

Guess there was... not good tho...
Our actions have been found out...
Our secret Long distance relationship...
And it seems its Over now..
So it seems my streak of bad luck hasn't gone away...
Thank you for taking everything from me now...

I still can't believe this would happen..
But i guess my life wasn't made fair...
I've lost and dashed everything aside now...

/this is the me in I.
8:00 AM

>>><<<

Just when i thought its getting better...
Just when i thought the pains is all i'll be getting...

The screams, the shouting, the loud cries... and the ranting...
its all back again...
April... April... Sickening and frustrating month you really are...

I have not asked for anything else more...
Why is it that so much more is being taken now?
Sigh...

Damn eye is gonna affect me at school... This aint gonna be good...
Feeling alot sluggish already..
Well.. nothing much to say...
Too friggin irritated with whats going on to speak anymore...

My heart beats harder and harder each day...
Yearning to feel you again...

/this is the me in I.
12:01 AM

>>><<<

Seems like this addiction would kill me 1 way or another...
I was trying to stick to 2 cups of coffee and no food as late as possible, till today
DAMN i failed... gonna try harder!
so.. i had 5 cups and dinner twice.. (Hah darl must be damn happy i ate)
And now my eyes swell...

Been having this ache internally between my mid torso back and chest...
Feels irritating...
Weather's making me awfully frustrating..
Think everything's not going well so far..
Means other things else must be better......
They've got to be....
PLEASE!

There is this moment i will keep,
Where the starless night was bright...
The sea was calm and peaceful
And I saw your face,
Such a beautiful sight...
Oh how everlasting it will be...

/this is the me in I.
5:04 AM

>>><<<

With just a blink of an eye...
Day 1 is already over..
Refreshing start for engineering course...
Still managing... Wonder if it'll stay good..
Doubt an 'A' Grade is coming for such shabby work...
Well.. a B would do fine.. well at least

Then again, i dare not ask for anything...
Because everytime i know theres a reason i can smile about
something is brewing for the smile to go away..
I'd better stay silent, like all these years and just speak to myself.

Its going to be a long run..
And i'm running low...
I have not the energy to keep on like i used to..
So i'm gonna deplete what i have left.
Got through today with only 2 cups of coffee..
Nothing else...But I'm gonna keep this up..
Weather's bad.. am feeling the heat even under the air-condition.

Mom..Do you know how much i miss you?
So much that i cant express...
Home is getting more and more silent...
Haven't spoke to dad for like 2 months...
and thankfully Sis is quieting down abit...
Sheryl's alot better...
Thank you lord, for taking care of them..
But don't miss out my darling..
who i'm missing so much...
She's still sick..
Let me take what it takes..
as an equalivant exchange.
I wont scream.. i wont yell...

Been thinking of you..
Do you feel it?
I'm calling to you...
Can you hear it?
Piece by piece i try,
to pick up where i left off...
However every night i drop everything again...

/this is the me in I.
12:16 AM

>>><<<

Back to where i started from a year ago...
I walk this lonely road, ever since so long ago...
Its empty.. and i'm the only one...

Back still hurts...
Knee starts to do so too again...
What else can i do? Pain tells me i'm alive..

School starts in about 8 hours time...
and here i am still thinking about darling...
Even though she told me to dream about her...
I have not had a single dream, not even a nightmare for 4 years...

My heart's feeling very very shallow...
Am i thinking too much?
Cos i'm feeling our distance...
Please never let me go... i'm ashamed of feeling like this..
I've not lost trust..
I just dunno where i am now...
nor who i am...

I seek answers again.. for a long time..
Will they come to me? I'll never know...
But i know, you'll always be my darling..

Was told to pray for my parents..
With our neigbours in church...
However she was a new to me...
Couldnt utter a word about how its goin in at home..
Cant believe i lied in the presence of you Lord...
But i know, u know.. how i feel...
Trying to hold my tears as she prayed
to love and to appreciate them....

I wanna tell myself to hang on...
and keep waiting...
Things will turn out fine!
But how will i believe myself?
So far this holiday.. hasnt been that great...
My dearest friends... if i needed support...
Which of you would lend a hand?
Cause i'm breaking down.. and i dont think i'll resurface anytime soon..

/this is the me in I.
12:40 AM

>>><<<

feeling all empty today...
don wanna think..

was called to go bowling today...
despite my backache...
i went..
Now it hurts.. but it doesnt matter...

It just feels that each day and night
is miserably longer
I've grown weaker...
without my mind my soul and my heart...

Schools starting soon...
Will i be able to carry off wearing a mask?
To hide my emotions at bay?
Will time kill me or reward me?

I will wait.. even if it kills me...
I will hold on to what i have..and thats you darling...

/this is the me in I.
1:58 AM

>>><<<

After so long.....
I finally met darling once again...
Nice hair curls, nice new specs and nice red hair darling...
I love em.. i really do...

I was a lil emotional today....
having to see you today... brought back too many thoughts..
I couldnt control myself.. i'm sorry...
I couldnt bear to say goodbye...
and all i wanted to do was see your face, your smile
and listen to you...

Seeing you with our T&C ring.. i felt assured..
knowing that you still wear our coupled ring..
I know.. deeply you're doing this for us...
However.. weak as i am..
I could not bear to say good bye...
We didnt hug.. not for a min...
But at least i felt you in my arms...
I'm sorry I couldnt get you a new phone...
Hang on tight with me.. we'll get it.. i'm sure!

Remember why i was shivering?
'cause... the day is ending...
the time with you i have is that much left...
i was shivering in fear... of losing sight of you...
After you left... i felt... shattered...
i didnt know what to do...
I sat down.. and needed someone there...
tried calling for a friend.. a close 1...
but he didnt accept, till later in the day...
by then i had duck with me...
thankful enough that i was able to find someone to chat with...

Darling, you dont have to ask me if its worth it...
Cause i know it is...
I dont wanna go further without you here in my life...
You'll "Always be my baby"(David cook) darling... every word in that song is what i wanna say to you...

School's startin soon....
and it seems, that its already been a full year since i've blogged...

/this is the me in I.
2:57 AM

>>><<<

Yes...
I lost my voice again...
Not totally... but doesnt sound like me anymore...
Why?
Its the School Event... International Student Club: Assilimation Programme
I assisted in this event to be a Game Master...
And as thier Cheer's Leader...
for almost 3 days i had to shout, scream, cheer to gain attention..

Imagine, you had to talk so loud that you get exhausted....
Thats what happened to me during the Programme...
Well its finally over with a big BANG!
Enjoyed the tiring but fun event with new friends...

However because of the events,
i've missed you even more darling...
the chances to speak became lesser....
the amount of sleep i got was lesser too...
I'm gonna replenish my sleep before school starts....
Hopefully my voice would return by then....

Darling, still sick uh? Please take care...
Hope you get better soon!

/this is the me in I.
2:07 PM

>>><<<

There are always questions in my head...
so someone said about me...
I ponder and think about them alot...
but never seem to find the answers...

like Today during school event...
The other GameMasters asked me if was a 3rd year student
Tho i cheekly replied "Do i look like 1?"
noone had a reply so i asked, "do i look that old? guess my age then..."
Tho there were answers like 18 to 21... i replied my real age
and then the question that i could not answer came along
=- " So old liao come school for what? " -=
Its a bit depressing to hear that sometimes, tho my usual answers are
to get diploma.. to further studies...
then again... do i need it? will i use it?
Why am i really there for? to escape something? I dont know...

My darling is sick.. and all i can do is keep asking her about it...
telling her to take care of herself...
feel so damn redundant....
My love, i wanna just take your pain away, so you'll be happy...
To see you smile makes me feel great...
To hear you're fine, i'll feel fine..
Missed you so...

This time i hear your laugh, your chuckle...
I felt it right in my heart...
Wish to see you soon...
and Hope to hold you in my arms....
Embracing you forever

I realised i've been avoiding the words wish, hope and dream...
till you came along...
Why?

/this is the me in I.
12:37 AM

>>><<<

Its already starting soon...
school that is...
Will i be able to cope with the new classes that are coming?
I must persist.. i must... i must...

I hear you loud and clear darling,
that you're not letting go...
I'm waiting, tho not patiently...
You're my everything..for now.. for ever..
I'm grabbing you and never letting go...
So hang on with me..
I love you...

Its a long weekend... Sis and Sheryl aint around
so Home is quiet.. didnt see dad much lately...
The days are gonna get tough soon...
3 days of assimilation project from school for international students...
and i'm the GM cheer leader... sheesh...

Lord, take care of my darling..
take her fever and pains away..
Let Sheryl be healthy, allow her to grow
to be a better girl...
Prevent my sis from screaming at her...
I'll take thier problems as mine...

From the moment you came into my life...
you showed me whats right...
The nights were clearer for the first time,
You're everyting to me...

/this is the me in I.
2:51 AM

>>><<<

Tonight the moon is full...
However, i was unable to see it... in its fullest form...
There were clouds blocking it...
Was there a reason for this?
I have had no clue, but the day was smooth
and silent.. and quite peaceful...

The weather was perfect with a good drizzle...
I wanted to walk in the rain like i usually do...
Having the rain lightly patting my face...
Feels as if my problems would be washed away...
It dont matter if i fall sick... i love to be sick anyway...
However Darling stopped me...
and i know she still cares...

Later that night...
Sis was asking Sheryl...
"Would you give God your bunny in exchange for his love?"
Sheryl cried out loud saying "no! no! i want my bunny!"
After hearing this.. i felt a sqeeuze in my heart...
Would I give Darling away in exchange for his love?
My answer would be no. Because i know and i believe
if he truely loves me, he would love my most beloved.

Then some questions occured to me,
Would I give my Darling away to see my Mom?
If there were to be this question, i wouldnt know what to do...
But i'll want to truely love both my Mom and darling....
in exchange for my life...

I never felt this way for a while now...
the feeling of being lost...
unled and insecure...
I dont know what to do nor where to go...
I'm seeking your face and your grace...
Take me along to where we used to be...
My love for you will not fade...
Just dont give up on me..

/this is the me in I.
3:21 AM

>>><<<

The moon is full again...
its been a while since i last post something about it...

Though i have nothing to whine about the day...
It feels as if the worst is yet to come...


Had a call from Angel today, she asked if i was well...
My back still hurts, but i can move.. short distances...
Should be fine soon.. back feels numb, not sore already...

My heart's the 1 thats still sore...
My mind is a blur and blank...
I need someone to hit me, to wake me up...

Having trouble taking meals...
I couldnt finish my normal bowl of noodles for 2 days...
and felt like puking right after eating....
Normal huh? I dont know...
maybe i should just eat less...

Well, i've taken alot this coming 2 weeks...
Looking forward of it getting better, but i know...
deep inside... theres something thats gonna go wrong soon....

Mom, i'm still shattered...
What should i do?
I'm lost again, at a junction dont know where to go...
Sis is quitting her job...really seems to have made her gone a lil crazy...
hopefully her new job would be better...
Sheryl seems better now... please look over her.. protect her...
I'm willing to take thier damage, since i'm already 1/2 done...
Look after them, i'll be right be thier side...

Darling..
I know i've been a bother to you lately...
I dont know if i can stop...
Thank you for the times you'd speak to me...
I really miss your smile.. and laughter
Loving you... waiting till my breath turns cold...

/this is the me in I.
4:42 AM

>>><<<

Its nearly the full moon...
and even before that i've felt totally helpless....

I've got better from the back ache..
managed to walk a lil better...
sit a lil longer...
That aside.. i still feel pain from my heart.. and mind...

It gets harder and harder to sleep each night...
Every single time i close my eyes...
I see what i do not want to see...
I know these are mind games... but i cant control it...
Its showing what i dont want to see..

I feel helpless... and bare...
I've lost my remaining confidence..
now faith is haunting me... since i've lost it a long time ago...
I want to wish, hope and dream about something good...
but i know you can't get what you want
unless you work for it....
Time feels like it stops everytime i don't see or hear her...
but feels short when i do...
And right now..
the only reason i want to breathe...
and feel my heartbeat
is because i still love her...
i know she does to..

I try to sleep...
but my thoughts are all about you..
I miss all the time we've spent together...
Every second without you is killing me...
and yearn for you to be right here...

/this is the me in I.
5:22 AM

>>><<<

Monday...
start of a brand new week...
but a very different me...
i'm feeling weak...
back hurts...heart is still missing...
my stomach is empty...
I couldnt sleep well last nite...
woke up many timesand then i realised its 8.30am..
At the very least i managed to chat with her...
And to see her via Msn...webcamming...at night
damn this really felt like a long distance relationship...
But i'm still feeling weird..
theres a lot of uneasyness in me...
its not going away...

This few days all i'm thinking of was Darl..
and these few days felt like years...

Slashed across the heart...
Yet i have to survive...
And that i will...
to see you once more...
Darling, i love you and i always will

/this is the me in I.
2:11 AM

>>><<<

This totally sux...
My back ache...
there was nothing i could do..
i couldnt stand couldnt sit...
Didnt even bothered to go breakfast/lunch/dinner
Woke up, washed up a lil and went directly back to lying down on my bed...
Didnt even dared to go to loo for a big or small passing...

Couldnt sleep... the whole night/day....
Kept thinking about Michelle darling...
About what has happened, what we're doing...

Why is this even happening?
I guess life's unfair...
I'm finally wanting to commit every single thing onto this relationship
and her Ex has to spoil everything...
Cant he understand that me and Darl are already together?
I didnt get much explanation except that Darling owes him a 'try' in thier relationship...
I'm forgiving and selfless... more like stupid and brainless...
I surrendered to Fate..

Its been a long and awfully painful day...
No not from the back sprain, but the crashing in my heart...
I felt numb... i got up and walked towards SSC for a cup of coffee,
but it was dinner time and starbucks was packed
so i bought 1 and strolled towards the beach...
Hell of a long a walk... finished my pack even before i reached there
then i strolled back home...
Back didnt hurt 1 bit till i reached home..

my day's meal ended with a supper to see ManU winning thier match...
and a cup of coffee... there was nothing left to eat... how unlucky huh?
Did another 4 sticks before going home...
I'm still shivering from the hunger and dehydration...

Darling darling... i miss you so...
I wanna hold you tight...
But you aint here for me to...
You're outta sight...
but never off my mind..
Take my word.. I still Love you..

/this is the me in I.
2:47 AM

>>><<<

after the smash...

i didnt want to stay at home...
so i met up with bros and sis to whack a few pins...

did crappily... and then i sprained my back..
I wanna close my eyes to sleep....
but i wanna say i love you, to darl...
but sms comes in to say, he's around..
argH

i'm sounding more and more like a baby....
i dunno... i feel damn insecure...
but i dont want any supporT!
just leave me alone.. let me fret let my soul burn..
there was nothing in the beginning to burn with anyway...

Punish me lord, i've done many bad things i know...
Take all thier pains and give it to me...
Darl's headache and backpains...
Sis's stress
Sheryl's flu and nasal canal infection

I'll take em...

I'm tired.. i want to sleep... back is killing me...
and i just cant sleep...sigh....

Mom, at supper..
someone ordered a bowl of oat...
reminds me of the days you couldnt take solid foods...
you had oats for breakfasts and lunches...
i know they were tasteless cos u'd always ask dad for sugar..
or something sweet to drink.... but u couldnt take em
i weeped as i sat next to you seeing u eat with pain...
and hearing the food was immediately passed through to your colestomy bag...
u'd moan and groan about it, and directly after food u'd try to sleep...
but the pains kept u awake...
i could hear you scream and shout about it... but i couldnt do anything else to help..
the pain u suffered was not fair.. not 1 bit...

Every second feels like months, every minutes feels like years...
knowing that i cant be there right beside you makes me want you even more...
My heart aches, every breath feels heavier...
I know you're feeling this pain as I am too...
Be strong.. take care of yourself...

/this is the me in I.
1:53 AM

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I'm limping..
not from a broken leg..
from a lost sanity again...

I've turned from love to shattered in less than a month...
The times we had i shall cherish...
Its like you said, what seemed only a Month felt like years...
Its taking its toll on me..
I dont want to survive through this.. really...
then again, i cant ask for death.. for it never ever comes to me...

This pain, is different...
I love pain... physical pain...
this pain.. is neither physical nor mental...
I cant feel anything right now...
Once again, i've a part of me... A part of me that was ready to give it all...

Today has to be the day i have to hold my tears
harder than any other day...
1 for my love my Darling, and 1 for my Mom...
Breaking up.. and the reasons falling really not worth mentioning...
Its not your fault darling, i was to blame..
And to see Mom today bring back so much memories...
I really missed the times you were around Mom...
I love you...
both my most important woman in my life...
I love you both...

/this is the me in I.
4:51 PM

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Home...
A place i head back where i left from...
Where i seek rest and shelter...

Theres been times, i've lost this feeling...
The feeling of home...
Theres no Peace.. nor Love nor Warmth...

My family, around...
Souless it feels...

Quiet it seems, Distant it is....
Home is now cold..
So cold it seems dead...
We dont speak to each other much now...
Even lesser as the days goes by...

What's seems to be bothering me, does not feel important...
I just feel lost.. at times.. about what i'm doing...
Is it right.. is it wrong..
Where am i now...?
What will i become...?
Only time can tell... but,
Can i take the torture of time?

I am sorry my love, my darling
I dont know what i can do for you...
I'm waiting for you to tell me...
You've been so tired lately...
I feel uneasy, unable to assist you..
Tell me, hit me.. i'll be your pin cushion...
Lotsa love..

Mom,
Sis is having what seems to be depression...
Sheryl has been sick, fever and such...
Diagnoised with some sort of airway canal infection...
Sis looks like a zombie, early or dusk...
Wonder how she can carry on working like this...
If i'm pessimistic, she's 100x more i guess....
I pray for Sheryl's health... and Sis's best well being...

Mom, Take care of them..
Love them..
I miss you.., No
We all miss you...
We all love you...
Whether you're here or not...

/this is the me in I.
3:40 AM

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