Whats going through my head....? / Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Been very buzy lately...
not having enought time to sleep...
Stupid UTs are killing me... gotta score well for them... sigh...
Am still up right now cause i fell asleep once i got home till 12am...
Gotta wake up later to go back school for a class mugging session...
Then theres Club meeting... And some IG stuff that i must clear off...
Cough seems to be persistant... and gettin on my nerves...
Its been such a rushing and buzy week...
So much things going on...
Sis just started work... and Sheryl got some rashes...
So both of them on 'Mc'....
ISC Club wants me to be thier Emcee for an event...
and the Aeromodelling IG training has begun....
1 out of 4 UTs are done... friday is the hardest 1...
Screams at home are more persistant than my coughs...
Sigh...
Why am I doing all these?
Worst of all? Had a shock on Sunday.. chinese gal in class told me she likes me...
Its a long story, but she kinda made me reject her, even before she told me she likes me...
man...
I never knew til you were gone
how many pages you were on
it never ends I keep turning
and line after line and you are there again
I dont know how to let you go
you are so deep down in my soul
I feel helpless so hopeless
its a door that never closes
/this is the me in I.
3:48 AM
>>><<<
Every minute feels longer than before... / Friday, May 22, 2009
I'm so tired...
but i cant rest...
Even if i could, its not peaceful...
My mind has too much to think of, remember of...
right now i'm so messed up... i cant think straight...
I cant take this challange much longer...
dont think i wanna pull through anyway...
its a friday and i feel its a short while to hell again next week...
sigh...
Flu's getting worst... prolly gonna take quite a while...
Guess its a long way up when you've fallen quite abit...
My mind is on something.. though i know i shouldnt...
I gotta press on... not to walk back into that fire..
I wasn't burnt, but didnt like the feeling...
this shows how much of a loser i am... bleah..
Theres a test later.. and i'm sure its gonna be bad...
I'm picking the pieces of whats left...
It seems harder each day to stand up again...
I'm drowning, and I don't really care...
Why can't I just seek the strength to move on?
/this is the me in I.
1:41 AM
>>><<<
What seemed light, now seems heavy.... / Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dont really think i can follow up well with classes... sigh...
The strain is really killing me...
When can i even get the hang of my classwork?
Totally just proves, my academic level is just crap shit.
Easily getting tired lately...
Stupid flu aint making things easy...
and after the backache from last week's 7 Frame bowl...
This upcoming UTs seems to be taking a real chunk outta me...
Later is a real bad combination of Microcontroller Systems (Programming)
and Analogue Electronics UT...arghhh
gonna be a real tough day...
Need the friggin flu to die off quickly..
the cough and sneeze is really distracting me...
and yea the blocked nose is a bother...argh...
Sheryl pissed sis off again.. sigh...
She's becoming such a notti lil devil...
bickering back at her mom... sigh.. wonder where she got that from...
Dad's been quite silent lately...
Wonder if theres anything wrong...
Sis just started work... means her stress is gonna pour in soon...
And i really need to buck up... and give myself a good kick in the butt...
Sorry everyone.. its hard to take it easy and rest....
Too many things lined up.. so much that its hard to breathe....
"For so long
I have been an island
When no one could ever reach the shores
So please believe me
For these words i say are true
If you ask will i'll be true
Do i give my everything to you
I will only say, I do.."
/this is the me in I.
12:43 AM
>>><<<
Unable to forget.... / Sunday, May 17, 2009
As the day turns to night, and the night turns to day...
every single minute i think of you...i seek the chance
to hear you, to see you...to feel you.... once again...
Though i know its a long shot... and it really wouldnt happen...
I'm still doing it...
silly lil bugger i've become...
Well but its ok.. i'll let it eat into me...
till i'm dry and till i dont breathe no more...
Cos i said to you, that i'd promise you.. i'll wait..
Do I ever cross your mind (anytime?)
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind (anytime?)
I miss you,
I miss you,
I miss you
No more… loneliness and heartache
No more… crying myself to sleep
No more… wondering about tomorrow
Wont you come back to me (come back to me)
/this is the me in I.
3:20 AM
>>><<<
Tired... tired... tired! / Saturday, May 16, 2009
Just realised its already the weekend...
Been so tired lately...
rushing with school work and lotsa club stuff...
Theres not even time to do revision dammit!
UTs are coming... wonder if i can survive this....
Feeling more sick lately...
but i know the flu is going away soon...
Time is killing me now...
both enough and too much of it...
/this is the me in I.
7:10 PM
>>><<<
Insufficient or too much? / Thursday, May 14, 2009
Man...
At one instance... i dont have enough of time...
at another... time passes by so slowly....
Been buzy lately.. so much to do...
so much to handle...
juggling revision, classes, IG in school...
really have no time to do anything...
it even seems like a rush to sit down and rest or to have a bite for breakfast or lunch...
not that i dont want to eat... but there really isnt even time to do so... sigh...
time sure passes through slowly when i'm home...
lying on my bed... as thoughts run through my head...
its getting harder and harder to fall asleep...
thinking about tomorrow, the day after and what happened today..
then of course.. she's always on my mind..
its really been a while now...
At times i feel like letting go...
of hanging onto this life...
one thats leading no where...
have been treated like a toy...
or a pincushion for pain... sigh...
I seek for my time to end...
Where i can finally rest..
In peace, not pieces...
Its hard returning to the point where we were just friends...
Here as i stand, my heart bears a scar which could never mend...
My heartbeat ceased, since the day i looked into your eyes....
It was you being next to me, that kept me going under those skies...
/this is the me in I.
1:57 AM
>>><<<
Dragging myself.... / Monday, May 11, 2009
Classes are already a big strain on me...
now i have to assist in a School's club...
So tired.. really so tired...
Even after so much sleep, so much rest...
I'm still drained out...
Will i be able to survive long enough to graduate?
I really wonder...
The flu is finally giving...
The cough isnt tho...
Gonna take a while for everything to fall back into place i guess...
I still think of her.. day and night
wondering what she's doing... and how she's doing...
She's still a part in everything i do...
In every minute of the passing time...
I wonder if i'll be strong enough to see this through...
/this is the me in I.
11:55 PM
>>><<<
Visited Mom today...
Couldnt help it when my tears rolled down...
I felt my heart ached, as i said "Mom, i love you... and we all missed you"
as Sheryl and my sis were standing beside...
as I lifted Sheryl to put our flowers,
my heart wrenched as Sheryl said "Popo... I love you"...
See Mom?
we totally miss you... theres nothing else to say...
All i could do, was hope that you'd hear us...
Smiling at us.. giving the warmth that you'd usually do...
Sis, A Happy Mother's Day to you..
Tho its been a harsh year for you to look after Sheryl
I'm sure everything will be better...
I'm of not much help... Pardon me.. but i'll try my bestest..
Another Mother's Day greeting goes to Darl...
As from Chrys's blog.. No matter what decision you've made,
As long as you're happy, i'm fine with that...
I was thinking of you so much this weekend,
However, it seems that every thought has a bitter end...so
Right now, I dont know if i should... Cause
I do, I really do love you.. and wanna wait for you...
and everytime i see your pictures with him... esp on the laptop...
I cant help but feel myself breakdown... and feel stupid...
Sigh... i wanna say it... but i cant...
I needa do it... but i wont...
Stupid me... foolish me...
wheres my resolve? what am i doing?
If I walk away now
There's no turning around
Gotta say what I mean
While you're here with me
I'm not sure I'll find words
To cover the hurt
That I see in your eyes
But I gotta try
I know rocks turn to sand
And hearts can change hands
And you're not to blame
When the sky fills with rain
But if you stay or walk away
There's one thing that's true
I still love you
I still and really do...
/this is the me in I.
4:15 AM
>>><<<
What a hectic day... / Friday, May 08, 2009
Man....it was a jammed packed Thursday!
I was about to explode with the amount of stress...
first it was class... Microcontroller Programming almost killed me!
Didnt have enough time to complete the coding, but lucky me...
Got it done phew...
And because of this stupid Module, i had to skip breakfast, lunch...
then after school it was a IG introduction... made me skip dinner...
Then had to help my friend in school to fix something on the com...
After that... 10.30pm, a few rounds of bowling at CDANS...
All in all? I didnt eat and survived such a hectic day! WooT
But i'm feeling all so drained...
Dont even feel like going school later...
but i cant... already skipped one...
The flu is killing me...
cough... muscle aches.. shortness of breaths...bleah....
Darl, i didnt literally mean, i'm shutting myself or you off today...
I just wanna make sure that, you're concentrating on your work and studies and rest...
You seem to be putting my problems onto youself...
You aint supposed to.. Dont want him to somehow find out and get it onto you again...
I assure you... That its all the same.. i'm still here....
I'll still be in 1 piece... just as long as you are =)
I'm prolly affected by the weather and thinking too much...
I miss the times we had so much... so so so much...
But it seems to be getting further and further away...
But hey, i'll still wait... Cause you meant a lot to me...
And i promised you that i'll give you everything...
School fees are up... $1k gonna fly soon...
sigh... means lesser to do soon... >.<
Wonder will i pull through...
Each day is eating into me... more and more...
You are my everything
Nothing your love won't bring
My life is yours alone
The only love I've ever known
Your spirit pulls me through
When nothing else will do
Every night I pray
On bended knee
That you will always be
My everything
/this is the me in I.
1:58 AM
>>><<<
Silent nights... / Thursday, May 07, 2009
The moon is full...
The week is a whole lot of rushing to do...
3rd week is ending all so soon...
Means my UT is coming oh so quickly...
Man... Take me through..
Give me the strength to do so...
Theres nothing more than a super good and long sleep...
on my Wednesdays....
Only thing? some sms woke and broke my peace.. sigh...
I wonder where you are now...
What you're doing now...
How are you now?..
Hope everything's going your way...
And that you're happy...
"I wanna make you smile,
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you.
I'll get you medicine,
When your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh it could be so nice,
Growin' old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you.
Even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink.
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man,
Who grows old with you.
I wanna grow old with you."
Mom, its mother's day soon...
How i wish i could say "I love you" and see you smile
How i wish i could do whatever it makes to make you happy...
/this is the me in I.
2:01 AM
>>><<<
tired.. and its only week 3... / Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Its been harder to catch a good breather
school work's been getting tougher each week...
problem's been getting harder to solve...
Seems like Year2 aint a walk in the park....
Darling, i know you're reading...
I'm fine... don't worry...
I'm feeling feverish at mid afternoons and mostly at nights
Blood pressure been really bad... off the charts even..
the last i took?
Afternoon 175/95
Night 146/90
Its quite normal... the stress been building up...
Lotsa things to rush..
But i'm fine.. =) i wont burst a blood vessal in the head just yet...
You... but you... Take caRE!
You've been tired, sick and buzy...
i'm biting my nails for you...
helpless i sit.. as usual... sigh...
School's so tight lately with things...
there isnt even time to eat...
and by the time school ends... i'm already tired out..
and lost my appetite...
sigh...
Sis quit her job already...
Wonder if she's found 1 already...
Sheryl's actually got all her spelling right today!
Seems like the type of peace i'd want...
but i'm sure.. it aint gonna last...
this taste, i rather not savour...
cause the after taste... is bitter... and sour...
Oh how lonely the moon is tonight...
As i stare into it through the night...
I wonder to myself...
What's the reason i'm still here for...
but theres only 1... and thats cause i'm waiting for you...
I thought the rain would wash away my deepest worst feelings...
but every drop that hits my face makes me more miserable...
I leave Questions unanswered....
I'm still wandering about in the dark...
/this is the me in I.
12:44 AM
>>><<<
Its not the same...anymore... / Monday, May 04, 2009
Seems like things aint going my way....
So many interuppted things happening...
sigh....
Sorry Angel, seems like we aint fated to meet...
not that i dont want to... just seems that we cant.. somehow.. haha
Well.. i kinda wonder why you keep asking me out...
I've seen some dreams lately...
1 of which home was crumbling and i was crushed...
another was where i will fail to have a family...
lastly.. one that say i'd die with a HeartAttack...
Hurhur... seems like my thoughts are really becoming dreams...
Just when will they become reality?
Thank you lord, for being kind to me
this weekend...
I've had no problems and i'm glad..
A part of me is still missing, and i pray to find it...
Heed me in the right direction, cause i dont know if i'm doing it right or wrong...
Mom....
How've you been?
Have you seen Sheryl?
Look how much she has grown...
Still as weak though...
Everyone still misses you...
And i'd cry everytime I wanna hear your voice...
But i know its not possible...
I love you Mom...
Its been a while since we've met...
Though i heard your voice not too long ago...
You couldnt even say "Dar~~~ling~~~"
the way you used to...
That night i felt more shattered than before...
'Cos i felt everything was just a lie...
Tell me what i feel is not true...
/this is the me in I.
12:27 AM
>>><<<
Complicated Day..... / Sunday, May 03, 2009
Its the long weekends...
Its saturday...
A supposed Bowling session at 3pm was canceled....
Moved to a Lunch session with then supposed to head to chill...
Only had lunch then chilling session canceled...
Angel called... asked me out... tho nothing was decided...
by the time it was already past 8? and its canceled too...
haha 3 cancelations in a day.... stupid huh?
What a joke...
Every moment, i stare into the blank sky...
I think of you... of the times we had...
Then i realised, that you aint by my side..
Wonder if you know, that you aint outta my head...
Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last
I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
Been feeling weak... and feverish at night...
Must be the weather...
Doesn't really bother me... just that i'll get a lil cranky...
Gotta hand in my PP real soon... wonder if i can get by year2 well sigh
/this is the me in I.
3:50 AM
>>><<<
Sluggish... / Friday, May 01, 2009
Woke up in the morning...
Nausea and faint...
Didnt go to school even after washing up...
laid back on my bed and slept...
Woke up only at 2pm...
still wasnt feeling better but went to school to help out for the event...
Having the chills and shivers...
still feeling the need to puke... but didnt bothered...
Wasnt at my best today...
but who cares.. just did what i wanna do...
Everybody's been tellin me to see the doc,
naw.. i dont want to... knowing its just the painkillers and antibiotics...
I love the pain, i love the struggle...
makes me know i'm still alive...tho i dont like it...
Hahh.. saw a test report on LEO...school's system...
i actually failed the temp and other symptoms for swine flu... lOl~~
maybe i should just quaratine myself eh?
/this is the me in I.
4:09 AM
>>><<<
